Hosting after a breakup? These are the recipes you’ve been looking for! All garnished with a slice of your dignity. Ahh, refreshing!

Image by [Noelle Campbell](https://hellonoelle.co/)

Image by Noelle Campbell

The Break-Up

  • 4 parts vodka

  • 1 part orange juice

  • Orange bitters

  • Bitterness

  • 1 more part vodka because fuck it, whatever

Telling Mom

  • 2 parts gin

  • 1 part lemon juice

  • 1 part “Would it kill you to put on a pair of heels once in a while? Jesus.”

Getting Back on the Horse

  • 2 parts off-brand corner store ginger ale

  • 1 part Tanqueray (Note: Continue to take big, intermittent swigs from the bottle while anxiously applying makeup in the kitchen.)

Finance Fuckboy

  • 1 shot bottom-shelf tequila

  • 1 can Tecate

  • Light blue button-up carelessly mashed into the ill-fitting waistband of a pair of Brooks Brothers khakis

  • Garnish with vagueness about intentions

Drunk Text

  • 5 shots of Fireball

  • Water from the bar’s bathroom sink

  • Water from the guy who held your hair back at the bar’s bathroom sink

Dark N’ Stormy

  • 2 parts rum

  • 3 parts ginger beer

  • Wedge of lime

  • Rainwater because you’re literally sitting outside in a storm. What are you doing? Go inside.

No Closure

  • 6 oz whiskey

  • 2 oz tonic

  • Twist of lemon so your drink will look fancy and maybe he’ll think you’re doing okay

  • Twist of knife optional